Rabid Squirrel Just Out to Get a Nut

Saskatchewan, Canada - Homeowners get a scare when a rabid squirrel tears through their house in search of his next meal. “We arrived home and heard something rustling around in the pantry” said Buster Knutt. “I grabbed my shotgun and opened the door slowly. That monster sprang out at me like a caged bull. His eyes were red like the devil.” Animal control was called in but was unable to apprehend the maddened critter who was scampering around the yard like a puma on speed. Our intrepid reporter did manage to get this one picture of the creature before it attacked. Flowers may be sent to The Dead Fathers & Mothers funeral home in care of Snapshot McKee.

Rock Candy a Poor Substitute for Popsicles

As a sign that the economy has spun completely out of control, parents have started substituting rock candy for popsicles. “The rock candy lasts so much longer” said Mary Berry of Rockford, N.J. “I used to go through a box of popsicles a week but now I give her one piece of rock candy and it lasts a month. That’s a savings of almost ten dollars!” Economists say that recent events have caused parents to take a hard look at ways to save money. One parent was seen giving their child a mud pie instead of a real birthday cake. What is next? Needless to say if this trend continues, this summer will not be as refreshing as our children had hoped!!

Overcrowding of Indoor Pools Causes Safety Concerns

Seventy-Five people were found swimming in the indoor pool of Carnival Cruise Lines ship “The Interloper”. The advent of lower cruise prices has resulted in serious overcrowding of 3-5 day cruises. This past week a cruise official told us that the last cruise was overbooked by 473 passengers. “This is a serious safety concern because so many people use our indoor pool at night and the numbers of injuries are increasing exponentially.” “I was just trying to swim a couple of laps and was beaten severely by the hands and feet of other swimmers” said Riley Sadly. Mr. Sadly was picked up by a Coast Guard helicopter and transported to a hospital for treatment. A doctor in the E.R. was quoted as saying “It looked like a biblical stoning. I’ve never seen someone get so many injuries from taking a swim” For now the cruise lines are cutting back on over bookings and reserving the indoor pool for guests who pay for premium rooms. What lies in the future is anyone’s guess.

Two Headed Antelope Lives Normal Life in Zoo

Born three years ago and not brought before the public's scrutinizing eye until just recently, Bippo the two headed antelope is doing well adjusting to life among other animals at the National Zoo of China. Born with two heads but just one body, Bippo spends her days as any other antelope would. “She has two heads, one in the normal spot and the other growing out of her backside” said Mai Ewe, head caretaker for the odd animal. “You never honestly know whether she’s coming or going except for the anus at the bottom of one of her necks.” Scientists were dumbfounded that Bippo had survived the birth let alone live for three years but she seems to be healthy and strong. “We could see her living a full life.” But visitors on the other hand are generally disgusted by the animal. They see her as an atrocity and many petitions have been produced requesting that she be put down. For now the zoo officials have no plans for Bippo other than to let her enjoy her life.